This One's For You

I went to an Elton John concert last night. I had a great time and I am almost giddy. It wasn’t so long ago that concerts weren’t even a thought. Not a remote possibility. Well, that’s how I saw things back then. With everything to do to take care of Gramps, I couldn’t imagine fitting in anything fun for me. It was all about him. I made it all about him. Choices. Running the house. Paying bills. Going to doctors. I spent time doing what I had to do, and not a lot of time on what I like to do. I am not complaining. However, when I look back now, I realize that I could’ve fit in a little more me-time and a little more fun time. Yes, it would’ve taken a lot more effort than it does now. Now, I get myself ready, jump in a car and go enjoy. Simple. Back then it would’ve involved planning, and, gasp, asking for help. This is one of the things, if I could get in my time machine and go back, I would do different.  Make time for yourself. Find ways to enjoy your life. Caregiving has a way of consuming your life, but don't let it.

People would tell me I need to get out more, and frankly, I resented hearing it. Maybe in reading me tell you to find some “me-time” you will feel that same resentment, and that I “don’t understand.” I DO understand. I understand now that if you don’t take care of yourself while you are taking care of your loved one, you are no good to anybody. Yes, the tasks and chores get done, but at what price to your own well-being? I had a lot of health issues during this time and I will save the stories for another day, but I promise you, I have been there and I don’t want you in that dark place.

So how do you find a way to do something for yourself? When I can’t figure something out I “work backward.” Start with a list of things that you enjoy doing. Going to the movies, exercising, golf, getting a manicure/pedicure, a facial, massage, whatever. Then ask yourself what would it take to make that happen? Money? Can you spare it or do what it takes to put a few dollars aside over a few weeks to do it? Do you need someone to stay with your loved one? Can you go do this special time while they are either at the doctor, asleep, otherwise occupied with someone else? Can you ask someone to stay with your loved one while you duck out?

Where there is a will there is a way. Find the will to make the way.

Last night, Sir Elton John found a way to play for three hours straight, no intermission. He ended with an encore of signing autographs for fans, thanking them for coming, saying he wouldn’t do this at this stage of his life if it wasn’t for them, and he ended with “This One’s For You.” Do something for yourself, enjoy it, and hear Sir Elton in your head singing to you, “This One’s For You.”