Tonight, I had the pleasure of
hearing Marianne Williamson at the Saban Theatre. If you aren’t familiar with
her work, she has written many best sellers about psychological and spiritual development,
based on the principles in the book the “Course in Miracles.” In this teaching,
there is a belief that love is everything and anything not of love is fear,
that we are all perfect beings, and our moments of enlightenment are about
recognizing that we are already perfect, not about becoming perfect. She talks
about the spirit vs. the ego and thoughts that are founded in ego are “insanity.”
I am not sure I did it justice, but that is the gist. Based on these
principles, as a Caregiver, I am sure I qualified as “insane.”
My
Uncle told me that I was very negative when I was taking care of Gramps. Let’s
review. My Grandma died. My Dad died. I lost my career. I felt sick and in pain
all the time. Oh, and I took on care of a 90 year old man. Maybe I was a little
“negative.” That isn’t to say that I had a green light to treat people bad or
to be unkind. Not at all. My behavior at that time wasn’t being harsh or mean
to people. I just didn’t have much to contribute to conversations by way of
small talk, or sharing exciting, good news. Like many Caregivers, I isolated
myself.
My
Uncle is the greatest, and one of the few people that I have always been able
to count on. I shared a lot of my problems at that time, so he had insight into
what was going on and our struggles. Through the insanity, he loved me anyway. There
were others that loved me too, but there were some that just never understood.
Recently,
I met friends for lunch and they commented about my being “prompt”. The “being
prompt” comment is a backhanded compliment. When I became a Caregiver, running
a little late, within 15 minutes, was routine. There was always time to give
one more glass of iced tea, or clean up, or fit in one more last minute task. I
thought people understood, but they didn’t.
As
a Caregiver, I own the fact that I let circumstances and difficult conditions
get me off-center and even “negative.” I ran late. I was overwhelmed. Yep, I
admit all of it. I have since given up on hoping people would understand, and
somehow there would be allowance for the place I was in. There was no leeway
and no tolerance. None.
If
you are blessed enough to have someone that understands and loves you through
the insanity, they are a keeper. Wonderful! The majority of people just will
never get it. They don’t have to get it, but it would be nice. How you react to
all of it is your choice. Choose to react from your higher self. Love yourself
through the insanity.
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