Litmus Test

              Litmus testing is a way to determine acidity and a single factor leads to a decision. As a Caregiver, every day I had one litmus test that was a guiding principle for everything I did, and it was simply this, if it were me, “would I want that?” If I were the patient instead of Gramps, how would I want to be treated? How would I want to be cared for?

                This guided every decision from the aides we brought into our homes and hearts, to keeping the house clean, to the food I bought and prepared, to the doctors and nurses we used. Sometimes I would go so far as to think, if I were the patient, how would my grandparents take care of me? They would want the best and not settle for anything less than the best care for me. They always had my best interests at heart and this was proven when I was younger and my Gramps took care of me. He always made me feel loved unconditionally, safe and wanted. I wanted to give him that in his time of need.

                I’ve heard stories where Caregivers feel so in need of help that they tolerate bad behavior from the aides, because they feel like at least someone is there with their loved and one, and what else can they do. Caregivers settle. Recently, I heard a story about an aide that played on the computer all day and didn’t even change the patient’s diaper. I asked her daughter, the Caregiver, what she planned to do? She said she was going to try to find someone else, eventually, but for now, this was it. It’s hard. It takes effort. I know not everyone is blessed with the aides that we had that were loving, and honest, as well as capable and knowledgeable. It’s a tall order. I have a friend who tells me our aide “had it good” and that I was “too good” to her. It bothers me, I admit, because to me, I know I was good to our aides, but you know, they were good to Gramps and they were good to me too! It worked for us!

                What is the factor that helps you make decisions around your loved one’s care? Do you feel good about the care you are giving? We all do the best we can, and at the end of the day, the important thing is that our loved one is safe, and they are getting the care they need and deserve. It’s important for their well-being, as well as our own. We need to feel good about our decisions and feel at peace. I sit here today, totally content with the decisions I made and the care Gramps received. He always said he was satisfied and went so far as to say things were “perfect, just the way he liked it.” It doesn’t get better than perfect, and that is what I pray for myself when my time comes.