Do Good, and Forget About It

Grandma always said, “Do good, and forget about it. Do bad, and think about it.” It’s truly words to live by. If Caregivers had a mission statement, this would be it! We do good every day. The “do good” part is easier than the “forget about it” part. If you are like me, the "think about the bad" part is all too easy. Some days that’s all I would see. I can send myself on a guilt trip like no other. I always felt, no matter how much I would do, it was never enough and that in my mind was “bad”. I would look at my long list of things to do and if I missed something, that was the thing that kept me up at night. I would feel bad. Guilty. Frustrated.  Upset. Consumed by it to the point of having to get that one thing done first thing the next day. Not healthy. Fear-based.

I have a friend going through a bad time with her health. Her husband is the Caregiver, taking time off to care after her, their son, and the house. He is stressed out and he feels unappreciated. It’s understandable. We all want those gold stars we used to get like in kindergarten. With caregiving, they don’t always come when we want, and honestly, sometimes they never come. If you are caregiving for someone that is incapacitated, Alzheimer’s, dementia, or any diminished mental capacity, they may never show you appreciation. In any relationship, there are times where we don’t feel appreciated because it’s not shown to us in the way we want it to be demonstrated. This is where the “forget about it” part comes in. Can you do what must be done without needing those gold stars? Can you give, give freely, and expect nothing in return? Can your inner voice telling you that you are doing a good job be enough?

There is no roadmap to this kind of self-satisfaction. There is meditation. There is therapy. There are options. Whatever road you take, you must give yourself a break. Caregivers get up in the morning, set out to make it a good day, and we all do the best we can with the 24 hours we are given. That’s it. No more, no less. There will be bumps in the road. Do the best you can for your loved one and for yourself. Yes, you are important too! Do good for you!

My Gramps loved me. I knew this in my core. I didn’t need a “thank you”. I think that certainty came from a lifetime of good experiences with my grandparents, making deposits in my happiness bank. When the time came for my Gramps to make a withdrawal, my happiness bank overflowed, and I was able to give back freely. We were rich! Rich with happy memories stored up over years. For me, I wasn’t doing good for anything in return. I was living my values and there is peace in doing it.

If you need a “thank you” today, let me end this by giving it to you. Blessed are the Caregivers for they shall be cared for! You are doing good. Let whatever perceived “bad” go. Go easy on yourself. God bless you and your loved one.