First Day Jitters

           As a Healthcare IT Consultant, I change jobs fairly often and first day jitters are something I experience a few times per year. The emotions are a mix of excitement of starting someplace new and meeting new people, and on the flip side the anxiety is about starting someplace new and meeting new people! I worry about the logistics and what it takes to get situated in wherever I will be flying into and staying, and then I worry about whether or not the people will like me and I will like them. I don’t worry about whether or not I can do a good job. I have about 20 years of experience at this point, and I have worked with enough teams and trust myself enough to know I can do it, and do it well. That was not the case when I became a Caregiver. I never believed I could do it let alone do it well.

                I worried constantly when I took on care of Gramps and I never believed I was enough. I also didn’t believe it was a permanent solution and that we, as a family, would figure out something better for Gramps later on. That never happened and he remained with me throughout. I felt like Gramps drew the short straw and got stuck with me. I can’t imagine what went through Gramps head and if he ever worried about the care he would receive.

                The irony of my situation is that I work in healthcare, albeit on the systems-side of the house, not clinical, however, workflows are a large part of what I do. The whole patient flow, information taken on appointment scheduling vs. check-in vs. checkout through wait times, referrals and insurance authorizations, best practices, through billing are a large part of my day job. None of that translated when I became a Caregiver. I thought I would take this professional insight and use it to navigate or healthcare system to take care of Gramps. It really didn’t work out that way. I can tell you it’s one thing to know to design a referral workflow and another to remember to GET the referral for the nephrologist visit before actually arriving for the appointment. Work world vs. real world was an entirely different animal.

                In retrospect, I wish I had approached caregiving a little more like work problem and I could’ve merged the two worlds for the better, starting with trusting that I could get the job done. I could’ve saved myself a lot of suffering if I had some faith in myself that I could do it and Gramps would be okay. So try to put aside your worries, your concerns, and calm whatever jitters you are feeling. Think about a past problem where you came up with a solution where you were sure you could not do it, but you did it. You are capable and will pull it off. Its counterproductive to allow negative self-talk to get you down and shake your confidence. Stay strong.