The Pyramid

          I always knew the day would come where I would be visiting my Grandparents at the Pyramid, but in my opinion, that day came way too soon. I should explain that “the Pyramid” is actually the Forest Lawn South cemetery and it has a pyramid shaped mausoleum. It’s located right off our main highway here in South Florida, so if you fly into Fort Lauderdale airport, you can actually see it from the sky, and of course driving, I pass it often. When my Dad and grandparents were still alive, and I drove past the Pyramid, I would remind myself to stop off at their exit and visit with them because I know “thee day would come.”

Before my Grandma passed, once day we were chatting, and I told her I loved her deeply and not to be mad when she was in heaven that I wasn’t visiting her grave as I had no intention of getting upset at a cemetery because I didn’t believe in it. She said she didnt care because I was visiting now. Having said all that, off I go to the cemetery, and ironically, I find it comforting.

                I visit them daily in my thoughts and I tell them I miss them and love them and they are not forgotten. Every other month and during birthdays and holidays, I actually go to the Pyramid to visit. I try to not to go on the actual holiday-day because that is very crowded, and in my opinion, just too depressing seeing other mourners paying their respects.

                I say my prayers, and I chat with them, updating them on whatever is going on with me and reassure them that life is good here, although sad they aren’t here to share it with me. I actually walk from my grandparents’ grave in the front, to my Dad’s grave in the back wall. I imagine they are together in heaven, but somehow that mimics what I would do in real life. They lived in condo buildings across from each other so I used to go from one home to the other when they were alive – I kind of do a similar route today.

                I often cry. I think I cry more now than I even did at their funerals where I felt pressure to be stoic and stay calm. Between the tears and sun in my eyes, their markers get blurry. There’s always a moment where their names almost disappear, and I imagine that I will wake up from this nightmare and they will still be here. In a blink, the sad reality is restored.

I don’t know why I even cry. They aren’t in the graves. I know this to be true. I believe in heaven and the afterlife, but when I am at the cemetery, while I feel close to them, I am sad they are no longer with me on earth. I think about times we shared and special memories and it helps. Tomorrow is Easter Sunday. Enjoy the time you have with all your loved ones and friends. Make good memories because there will be a time when you will rely on them for comfort.