Grandparents Parenting

My Gramps helped take care of me when I was little because my mom died in labor, and my Dad, still in his early 20’s moved back home to his father and younger sister, my Aunt Grace. I was so young that I do not remember a lot from that time, but I remember the love quite clearly. Gramps would let me drink big-girl coffee, which really was milk with a splash of coffee in a mug so I could pretend to be grown up. I remember he placed great importance in me practicing writing and even math at a young age. He always made me feel loved, wanted, and safe. I think it is extraordinary when I think about that time, because this was the early ‘70s, and Gramps was a single father, still raising his youngest daughter, had his son back home, and now had his granddaughter. His wife had died, my mom had died, and I am certain this was not the life any of them envisioned.

Yesterday, I made the various Easter calls and one was to my Dad’s ex-wife who is helping take care of her grandson. She was exhausted. Her daughter was still in college, so she is trying to get her daughter through school, and keep her grandson out of daycare. She says she doesn’t want someone else raising her grandson, and doesn’t want him to be in someone else’s care before he can even talk. I can understand. Thank God her daughter has a mom like her to help out.

Grandparents raising their grandchildren is fairly common. Even our own President Obama was raised by his grandmother for a period of time. Grandchildren taking care of their grandparents is uncommon. My choice and situation was definitely unique. My cousin tells me it’s “unnatural” given that my Gramps had two daughters that could have done it, and further, he tells me that I disrupted the “pecking order.” The choice of words makes me laugh.

In a rather odd, ominous moment before my Dad died, I asked what I should do if God-forbid he were to die before grandpa. He laughed, and told me to ship him to his sister’s house. When I assumed care of Gramps, I could almost hear my Dad yelling at me from heaven, “No! No! No!” Why listen now?

Today, I have Grandparent-parenting on my mind. God bless those that can do it. It must be tough. At an age where you think you are down, you start over. I am sure the parents reading this are probably put off and would say, “I am raising my child and the grandparents only help out.” That may well be true. Every family situation is unique. However, I definitely see grandparents taking on a much more active role in caregiving for their grandchildren. This is driven in part by the economy and demands of a two-working-parent household and the expense of raising children today.

My grandparents were a constant and consistent source of unconditional love. When I took care of Gramps, I felt like we had come full circle, and I was returning the love he, and my Grandma, gave to me. I love the bumper sticker, “God couldn’t be everywhere, so he made grandparents.” Amen.