My Attorney Told Me...

There are mixed opinions here, but I can only give you my experience, and simply, I recommend you get an attorney. Day one. Don’t wait or hesitate. There’s a lot of paperwork involved with taking care of your loved one, and you may be able to figure it out, particularly in this day and age with the Internet and sites like LegalZoom with ready-made forms. However, for me, I went to an elderly planning attorney and I thought it was well worth it. It’s not cheap, no doubt you pay for the services, but I needed guidance on how to navigate “the Particulars” (this is what I call the tsunami of paperwork that hit me), and other aspects of caregiving when it came to banking and irrevocable trusts, the Will, and even tips on applying for Medicaid. My attorney gave me direction on all of it. In addition, Gramps had a condo I was trying to sell so that was another gray area and she recommended something called a Personal Service Agreement, something I had never heard about and I would never had known about if it weren’t for the attorney. We had a lot going on and I didn’t want to do anything wrong, so for peace of mind alone it was worth it to seek professional legal help.

The other thing the attorney offered, was that, if there was anything uncomfortable, between the family, or even outside the family, she said I can always use the phrase, “my attorney told me…” Further, she said, particularly in regard to family, if they had any questions they could call her directly which would remove me from being the middleman and can be useful to avoid unpleasant conversations. I didn’t have to take her up on that in regard to family. However, I can share that when I went to the bank and completed the paperwork, it helped to have that direction from the attorney already in my back pocket, because I knew what to say and ask. I also think referencing an attorney has weight and makes things seem more official to others.

Inadvertently, the attorney gave me an interesting tidbit of advice. Whenever things get uncomfortable, make it easier on yourself, by referencing the expert. I think this is useful, not just with legal-ese, but if someone is questioning why you have your loved one on a certain medication, or certain medical protocol, rather than get into a long discussion, simply, “the doctor recommended it” should do the trick.

I am not suggesting that you take the “passive approach” and pass the buck by “blaming” a decision you made on others all the time – not at all. There will be times when you have to say, this is what it is and that’s it. There are other times, when you want to end the conversation and not debate, so referencing an expert can help shut that down. You’ll know when to use these ready-made catch-phrases. Use sparingly, like a spice, or they lose their potency.