Today I had the displeasure of letting staff (albeit consultants) know they were being let go – never fun. I think I did a decent job considering the circumstances and I was very careful with my words, but it got me thinking about what happens outside of work, when we are having a bad day, and bad choice of words just slip. I can sum it up as a Bad Mood + Bad Words = Bad Move.
Caregivers have many bad days and it’s easy to fall into a bad mood. It takes effort to stay positive, focus on the good, and maintain an attitude of gratitude. No matter how bad our mood gets, there can never be an excuse for poor choice of words and being hurtful to someone we love. Bad Moods pass, but you know, once you say the Bad Words they cannot be taken back. By “Bad Words” I am not referring to expletives or “cuss words”, although they qualify! I mean words that hurt someone else’s feelings.
I got along well with my Gramps and his doctors and aides, so my version of “Bad Mood” was mostly depression and negative internal dialogue. Gramps was a strong person, they really don’t make ‘em like that anymore! I wouldn’t say he didn’t have Bad Moods, because he definitely had his quiet days, and he would get angry at the aide if she was late or if something wasn’t done the way he liked. I can honestly say I never heard him yell or use Bad Words. He really was good to everyone. I am not just saying that because he was my grandfather, he just was a good guy.
As for me, I am not sure what my family would say as far as my Bad Words. I am sure there are things I said that I could have said better. My intention was never to hurt anyone, but I am not perfect. I can tell you, I once got angry at my Aunt, but you know, I apologized immediately as I just snapped and normally would never yell like that, but it was all too much. It happens.
I can tell you my feelings were also hurt – a lot. I didn’t say anything. Maybe there was nonverbal communication and it came across anyway; I don’t know for certain. I do know for certain that internalizing the hurt is unhealthy. You have to find your voice, but use it wisely. If you complain about everything, it won’t do you any good. Strike a balance.
I think the world would truly be a better place if people took a moment to think before they speak, choose their words wisely, based on the point they are trying to make, rather than to wound someone. If you misstep, the best thing you can do is apologize, immediately and sincerely, and try to make amends to move on.
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