I plan to make my way to Crissy Field shortly to join the thousands of others wishing the Golden Gate Bridge a “Happy Bridge Birthday!” There are a lot of festivities around the 75th birthday of the bridge, including fireworks and a concert by Mickey Hart. Before I venture into party mode, I thought I would share some thoughts around the difficulties of being a Caregiver, and that is other people’s negative comments and misunderstandings.
I have written a few times about the hurt I felt at comments made about how I should have realized it would be hard to take care of Gramps, and that Gramps and I were on our own, often unsupported. (I won’t say “always” without support, because that discounts the friends and the folks that did what they could to make us feel connected). When people hurt your feelings, your reaction to the hurt is your choice. You cannot control what they say or do, but you can control yourself. It’s the Serenity Prayer, “Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I cannot decide if the thought of “changing people” is an oxymoron or a fool’s errand to even attempt, but either way, I do know it falls into the category of things that you cannot change. Once you accept the person for who they are and what they are saying, you have a choice to walk away, or to try to get over the hurt. You can choose to “build a bridge and get over it.”
In honor of the Golden Gate Bridge, I wanted to leave you with that option. You can reach out and work on the relationship, and get over the hurt. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, and you can remain hurt, you can heal in time, or you can move on from the relationship, the options are finite not infinite. If you value the relationship, do whatever you can do to change your own thinking, keep your heart open, and bridge the gap between you and your loved one.
Happy 75th Birthday, Golden Gate Bridge! Let the good times begin!
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